Groom for Improvement: Getting a reluctant Groom Involved with planning the Big Day

We’ve all heard the stories…Brides feeling like they’re planning the entire day themselves with no help from the groom or just not receiving the level of help they expect.

Well, there’s hope!  We asked a leading Wedding Coordinator how best to get a reluctant Groom involved with planning for the Big Day. here’s what Tanya Hedley, former ‘Monica Geller’ of weddings at Newcastle’s iconic and independent Vermont Hotel, had to share with us…


“In my experience, there are two types of Groom.

Those who Mary Fiore referred to a “NIDs” or Not Into Details (if you know, you know) and those who are a driving force in the planning and organisation.  Whichever type of Groom you’re dealing with, chances are there’ll be times when you wish you had the other (sometimes there’s just no pleasing us).

Tensions run high when you’re planning a wedding.  Just think about it, you’re project managing a huge, once-in-a-lifetime event with so many variables and so much at stake – then you go home together!

During work hours you’re firing emails to each other, trying to get sh*t done.  During your time together it’s all you can talk about.  You’ve curbed the fun stuff to save for the wedding.  You’re crossing off lists, having difficult discussions and juggling a budget.  Let me put it this way – there’s a reason we don’t live with our bosses or work with our partners (and if you do either, then we salute you).

If your partner wants to be involved then lucky you!  Sure it’s hard to relinquish control but if you micromanage everything you’re setting a dangerous precedent – don’t be surprised when you really do need his help if he’s not there to give it.  Play to his strengths, you will be pleasantly surprised.

If you have a NID on your hands, just remember this – if you want him to offer an opinion he must first know that it will be valued.  You can’t get frustrated with him for “not caring” if you completely discount his opinion when he dares give it (just a little food for thought ?).

Watching a couple deal with the wedding planning told me a lot about how they would problem solve for the rest of their relationship.  Compromise, patience and the occasional “time out” – go show ’em all how it’s done!”

Photo by Olivia Bauso on Unsplash
Tanya Hedley

Tanya's an award-winning wedding co-ordinator that lives and breathes weddings. She's a dab hand at setting up 6ft champagne towers with not a single breakage and "would literally kill herself for a Bride.”

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